Nicole Johnson

You used to hold my hand so tight.
It felt like the tendons would snap.
But the pain alone was enough to know I was still alive.
We sat across from one another and only you would know what I was thinking
My expressions were hard to stifle and yet you understood me.
It’s hard to believe that you and I created life.
One part you.
One part me.
She was beautiful—
So innocent wrapped up inside of me, anxious to break free.
Our arms held out for so long, but that moment never came as the tears welled up inside of me
They never shed, only the pressure built.
I waited, but nothing ever happened.
My heart felt as though it was paralyzed and yet it still moved.
The shock of your departure still haunts me as I breathe in your scent of lavender mint.
One by one the droplets fell down my cheeks as I held your memory close.
Brows furrow as my lip quivered, willing it to stop.
It feels like just yesterday when we went over names.
Now you’re a memory that no one remembers, but I do.
I won’t forget you peanut.
Mommy loves you.