Nicole Johnson

I can feel it happening

Breaths getting thin

Farther in between

Like I’m fading in.

I’m leaving,

This opioid dream

Not for me.

Not where I’ve been.

I want the sharp turns.

I want the twist.

I want my organs

Rattle my ribs.

I want my heart to drop,

Just for a second.

Because feeling that fall

Means I’m still present.

To feel this,

Is to know I’m living

Even when it cuts.

Even when I’m shaking.

Pull me from the haze,

Back into my skin.

If pain is the price

Let me pay it to begin.

I felt my spirit slipping,

Like a tether let go.

Like a baby torn loose

From the safest home.

I gasped.

I couldn’t scream.

Hands on my mouth

In this quiet dream.

Tears stacked behind

These muddled eyes

But through this chemist’s fog

Kept them inside.

I’m halfway out,

Halfway gone.

Trying to wake up

Trying to come back strong.

Don’t numb me.

Don’t smooth the edge.

I’d rather bleed truth,

Than sleep in it.

Let my lungs remember,

How to open wide.

Let my body teach me,

I survived.