Nicole Johnson

I knew from the day that I learned of your existence, my life would change for the better.

I dreamt of the moment my palms would grasp your face and my lips pressed softly against your cheek.

Sometimes I could hear you crying, as impossible as that may seem.

You, unnamed angel have brought me a sense of purpose.

Whenever I felt that flutter or sharp kick, my hands protectively pressed against my belly.

I waited patiently for you to grace this world and I was not disappointed.

I knew from the moment I saw you that you were mine.

My little angel.

You were the most beautiful being that I’ve ever seen and are now a mere memory.

How can a life be given only to be taken so quickly?

My heart filled with turmoil that I didn’t know how to express.

Unshed tears lodge themselves within my chest.

I want to remember you are you were, your little body pressed warmly against my heart as your fingers intertwine with mine.

I want to remember your smell; a smell of something brand new.

I want to remember  the feeling of joy when you looked up at me for the first time.

Our eyes locked in a momentary stare down that most would describe as bliss.

My body disintegrated as the void took over.

My chest heaved with sadness that quickly turned to darkness.

You, sweet angel were loved from the moment you were a grain of rice.

The world may carry on, but not I.

Mommy and daddy love you.

Our sweet little Daphne.

Author notes:
I would like to dedicate this poem to Ryan Rinehart and Britney Regenold. I heard about the passing of your sweet little angel and my heart immediately fell. It brought back a lot of memories for me and I would not wish that kind of pain on anyone and it is one of the worst kinds of pain in the entire world. You may feel like you are hollow shells, granted I too felt that way when I lost my little one a couple years ago, but you have each other to help you get through that pain. The loss will never go away, but over time it will get a little easier to get through the day. It is ok to grieve. It is ok to be angry. There is no time frame for how long someone can feel pain. You guys are a couple of the strongest people that I know and I know you will get through this. If you ever need an ear Andrew and I are here for you.

xoxo
Nikki